Take a walk in my mind...

...and Im off to NYC!!! Its been 4 years since Ive been so Im definitely looking forward to it! My flight leaves in 45 minutes so Ill post more updates later!!

So... nearly a year later huh? Since my last post, I've come back to LA and have been working at a credit union in Monterey Park for the past 6 months. Sounds fun, right? I'll get back on the blog thing again soon. I promise!

...and packs of shirtless Chinese men are roaming the streets. Yea, that's how they roll out here. Seriously though, this weather in Shanghai makes me want to molest my inner child. It's that bad. Not only is it hot, it's drippingly humid. It feels like I'm trapped in some very obese man's armpit. I can only pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster and hope that the electricity holds up through the night so that I may continue to shower in the cool, dry air that is so copiously vomited forth from my air conditioner.

So that's how it is.

You know what really grinds my gears? Bad Chinglish for the sake of being bad Chinglish. So right now I'm editing a children's TV show for the Chinese market and there's a small 1 minute segment within the program that's supposed to teach children the English word for the object the characters found in that particular episode. Now, in pulling double duty, I go in and record the English work and spell it out a few times. Done. Easy Peezy.

Wrong.

Apparently, I don't pronounce it "correctly".

Case in point. One of the words is "hiccup". I pronounce it as we would back in the United States, with a soft "p" at the end that cuts off the air and ends the word.

I was told that I needed to pronounce the word as:

"hiccuPUH"

with an over exaggeration on the end of the P resulting in an extra syllable being added.

The reason why, is that in Mandarin Chinese, no words end in a consonant (except for a soft "n" that sollows certain vowels) and as such, I grew up being called "Edawada". Yes, a normally 2 syllable word was, and still is, being stretched into a 4 syllable word.

Re-fucking-tarded.

Yea I know, I promised more blogs, yadda yadda yadda... but I've been busy! Anyway, I gotta head outta the country for a bit since my visa is expiring next week so I fly to Hong Kong today on Shanghai Air flight FM845. All I'm going for is to land at the airport, go get my passport stamped, then take a bus over the border again to Shenzhen, where I'll board Xiamen Airlines flight MF8316 to the port city of Xiamen. Why Xiamen? Well, my dad is there now and It's nice to get away from my work in Shanghai for a weekend and visit him! I'll be back in Shanghai on Monday so it's a fairly short getaway. Oh well. When I get back, I promise to blog more! Seriously!

Wow I totally suck at this blogging thing. I mean, I used to do pretty well... updating on a semi-regular basis, sharing details about my life... but then it seems that 2006 rolled and around and I said "meh" to blogging. Well, I can't promise that this will be the (re)start of my blogging days, but we'll just see where it goes from here.

So I'm nearly 6 weeks into my stay here in China, and right now I'm really starting to miss home. Yes some of you will argue that my "home" is in China and that I've "returned to the motherland" but no, you are wrong. Wronger than Britney Spears trying to bring sexy back. Yes I did just go there with a Justin Timberlake song reference and no, I don't care what you think since this is my blog and I will damn well do what I please, even if it's covering it in chocolate syrup and making it my bitch while watching German Kaviar porn. FYI, don't look that last part up, it's gross. Here's a hint... it involves scheisse, and no, I don't really watch that stuff... I only videotape it and sell it thereby making mad amounts of money by catering to the sick and twisted.

Anyway, back on topic here... I'm starting to miss home. I was reading that Los Angeles currently tops the surveys as being the most polluted city in the US. Oh god how I wish I could be back there breathing in all those toxins in the air since Los Angeles air quality is like fresh baked muffins and lilacs compared to the airborne dreck that occupies every bit of this city known as Shanghai. It seriously smells here. Like... a mixture of hot, stank, must, fish, bus exhaust, week-old gym socks, cigarettes, trash, rotting food, and the sweat of 13 million people. Sounds quite pleasant doesn't it? On top of that, it's humid as shit and I swear no matter where I walk the ground is always wet. Why is it always wet?!?!

But alas, this is where I'll be calling "home" for the next few months at the very least and I've grown accustomed to it. And by "grown accustomed to it" I mean I punch myself in the face every day before I head on out. Just kidding. It's not that bad, it's just... different from that which I am accustomed. Emphasis on "different".

In other news, I got my first paycheck a few days ago and it came in at a whopping 2000RMB. RMB means "ren min bi" which translates to "the people's money". Now, while the mere mention of two thousand may sound like quite a bit... in fact, it is not! With the exchange rate it means I earned the equivalent of USD$260 for a months worth of work. Yea, there was no typo. $260. American. On top of that, I have a 5000RMB debt to repay for my trip to Beijing! So of that 2000RMB I was paid, a cool 500RMB is still in my hands. Of course, I'll be moving to a new pad the next few days and because of the distance I'll be purchasing an electric bicycle to get to and from work. Oops, there goes another 1300RMB... which I don't have, meaning I'll have to take out yet another loan from my boss/slave driver/aunt for the difference. At this rate, I'll never be able to come back, not until I'm like 45 years old and fat and bald. Well... I'm already the latter so it shouldn't be that bad.

So I mentioned my Beijing trip earlier. Yea. That was quite an *interesting* trip. I went to the Great Wall, the Ming Tombs, and even the Forbidden City! Ba-lo-ney! "But wait, Ed!" you may interject, "isn't all that stuff cool to look at what with all the history and culture it represents?". It would be cool were it not for the endless sea of hockers and vendors all trying to make a quick buck no matter where you were. Especially the god damn "tour" I took part in. See, in an effort to save some money (ha!) I decided that I'll just take the same tour from the hotel that the locals take, seeing as how it only cost 280RMB whereas taking one of the English-speaking tours from one of the western hotels (Hilton, Ritz, etc) would've cost me upwards of 500RMB. "What a great deal!" I thought.

...wrong...

First off, the so-called "tour" began at 4:20am where the company dispatched a tiny little mini-minivan to pick my coworker and I up from our hotel. Now, when I say mini-minivan, I mean it's about 3/4 the width of a standard American compact car and just about as long. Even when you ride in it properly equipped it's supposed to seat at most 8 people. Since the tour company is trying to squeeze every yuan from any orifice it can, they added a 3rd row rear-facing wooden bench into the toaster-on-wheels. Yes, 11 of us were packed into the mini-minivan as it headed over to Tiananmen square where our day began watching the flag raising ceremony. Fine, whatever, that was only a 15 minute ride... and it was over fairly quickly. The flag raising ceremony was at best only "meh" since by the time we got there around 5:10am the place was already packed with thousands of people all trying to jockey for prime flag-viewing position so we were relegated to the side and even with my 300mm zoom lens I could only capture what appears to be ants and a little red speck of tissue paper (aka the guards and the flag).

Whatever, we head back over to where the tour group is supposed to convene and we load up onto a minibus. The kind that seats about 35 and not the big tour buses with a commode in back. Damnit, I thought this was going to be a comfy ride. Oh well... it was a bargain. We get on and after stopping for breakfast we head off to the Great Wall about an hour and a half away from Beijing proper. Along the way, the tour-nazi, I mean the tour guide talked nonstop and "recommended" that those in the tour group not talk or sleep while she was talking. She talked the whole GD way there about the history of the Great Wall and such. While it was nice to learn some history behind it, all I wanted to do was to get some fucking sleep but alas it was nowhere to be found.

We get to the Great Wall and the hockers and vendors started the blitzkrieg. We were assailed left and right to buy little trinkets and memorabilia and to get our photos taken in front of the wall, all for a nominal fee of course. Whatever, I just did my thing and rushed by them. I get to the wall and I was... for lack of a better word... unimpressed. I mean, it's supposed to be this great thing from antiquity and yet it looks like it was made yesterday. They've installed trams and cable cars to take you up, put in metal stairs and handrails and even set up some food vendor stands along the wall itself. WTF is this shit? I came to see a cultural and historical relic, not some GD Disney replica of what the Great Wall was with and endless sea of people trying to sell me shit along the way.

I quickly found out through the rest of the day, that pretty much all of China's historical and cultural monuments have all become the same way. The emphasis isn't on preserving history, but making money. It was the same way when I got to the Ming Tombs where generations of Ming emperors are buried. This whole day was so disheartening that I pretty much stopped taking pictures because I had mentally checked out already after the Great Wall.

But here's the thing, when I say everyone is trying to make a quick buck... I mean EVERYONE. The tour company only took us to about 2 "real" sites... the Great Wall and the Ming Tombs, along the way it stopped at 3 different places... all with the purpose of selling us shit. When we arrived at each of these places, they would give us a little badge with a group ID number so that if anyone bought anything they place would give a kickback to the tour operator. Now, I know this is standard practice throughout the world, but it seemed particularly transparent here. I was sad. They took us to some candy store place and some place that sold Peking Duck and a Jade Emporium... the whole time I'm thinking... this is NOT what I had in mind when I signed up for this "tour"! The weirdest part o the day, however, is when they took us to this Chinese medicine place and ushered us into a dark little room whose thin red curtains had been drawn closed, bathing the room in a surreal crimson. Inside this room they had a TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) doctor come in and tell us about TCM. Of course, the point of the whole charade was to sell the rubes 11 herbs and spices. I was having none of it and went outside to smoke.

On the way back, I was under the impression that the tour company would take us back to the hotel but no, the dropped me and my coworker off on the side of the expressway at a bus stop and gave us 10RMB to take a taxi back to the hotel. The taxi cost 25RMB.

Never will I take another tour here in China. At least, not one that's FCBC (for Chinese by Chinese). If I ever do take one again I'll happily sit with all the palefaces and ride and dine in comfort.

I've really got to get back to work now since I've wasted nearly an hour writing this so before the dungeon master returns to beat me with a wooden cane for not doing my work I shall bid you all adieu. Here's to hoping I can keep posting on a semi-regular basis!

Well... it's been a blast working 40 hours day in Shanghai but I'm finally getting some well deserved R&R in the beautiful city of Beijing! I leave in 2 hours and I come back to Shanghai on 5/1 just before the long May Day holiday here in China. Look for pics on my flickr site soon! Later!

Well... I'm about to head on out again. I'm leaving LA to Shanghai for a job. I don't know exactly when I'll be back but I hope it's soon! I'll post updates when I get there!

No... not "out", dumbasses. I'm outta here! Going to Taiwan today! I'll only be gone for two weeks or so, but plan on seeing lots of pictures on my flickr account in the next few days! I can't wait to go back to Taiwan... I love that place!

Okay shut up. I know that I've not been posting enough in the past few months. It actually makes me kind of sad because looking back on the blogs I did post helps me really remember those events... and not having any significant blogs these past few months kinda ruins that.

Oh well.

Anyway, this is just oging to be short, but something significant will be coming soon.